the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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