Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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