She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
