I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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