I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
