Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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