If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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