areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
