We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We were destined to go to rehab together
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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