Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
