I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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