im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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