Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
