His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
