I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
