I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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