My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
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I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
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Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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