You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize