Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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