Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
