enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
