My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize