i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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