what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
