OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
