your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
