his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
