So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
