Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
