You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
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You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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