plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
being pregnant is like rehab
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
