Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
only if we run a train.
done.
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I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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