Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
