how hairy? two words: wookie tits
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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