Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
