Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When did angry sex become our thing?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize