The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
