To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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