i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
