Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
