if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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