So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
