I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
it glows. i had to have it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
