Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
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also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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