don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You pole danced in your parka.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
