he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
