so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
