There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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