Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
jump out the window naked night went bad
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
