You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
