I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
