Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
