A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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