I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
