So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
