We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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