Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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