we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
