Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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