i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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