I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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