oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
