I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
