Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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