I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
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I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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