I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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