I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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