Apparently you make a good broom.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
